#obsessed: Say My Name (ft. Zyra) – ODESZA

I recently started watching a show on Netflix called Nikita about a rogue assassin trying to take down a corrupt secret government agency called Division. She makes friends along the way, eventually turning one of her former managers to her side, and together they save the world (an oversimplification, but it'll do for the purposes of this post without revealing too many spoilers). For some reason this made me really sad; as I explained to my friend, "It's the spy shows that get me, the whole mutual trust to the death type thing. But that's not necessary here and now, and I don't think it ever will be necessary." This is referring to the fact that even though I have my academics and extracurriculars and housing matters all sorted out, and enough friendships to be content with my life, it's still missing something that society tells me is necessary: a significant other. On one hand, I don't need one, but on the other, I can't help but wonder if it's an experience at the very least that I'm missing out on.

The problem is, and has always been, that the timing is off or expectations don't line up. I have yet to like someone who also likes me back, and vice versa. I don't know how to lower my standards and I feel like if I were to do so and simply settle, it wouldn't be fair to either person.

Back to the song, I had it stuck in my head a week or so ago, and it was absolutely miserable because I only had the interlude stuck in my head, which is the EDM part, so I couldn't look it up online despite how catchy it was. Luckily after a nap, I woke up with the next few lines which had the words, "I wanna dance, I wanna dance, I wanna dance with you," which I searched up and found. The rest of the lyrics remind me of every person I've ever liked but never reciprocated:

"So what’d you say, When you gonna let me know, If you give a damn about me.
‘Cause you got my hands tied, in my defense, I always fall for confidence, your compliments look good on me."

It seems easy for everyone else so it feels like there's something wrong with me, but in all likelihood that's not the case. Nevertheless, I'm apprehensive about how to approach the topic in the future. It doesn't surprise me that my one regret in high school was about a boy, and I hope that's not the case with college too. ◊