An addition to last night's rather frantic post:
As they say, hindsight is 20/20. I believe the cause of feeling like I was "hitting the wall" was a mild hypoglycemic crash. For context, in the absence of professional medical evaluation, I was probably hyperglycemic for most my life eating so much sugar and chocolate. It might not have been diabetes but I had all the symptoms: hunger and fatigue, drinking water all the time but still being thirsty and having to go to the bathroom frequently, dry skin, and vision problems. I've had these concerns for a number of years but they remained unaddressed because my parents were somewhat neglectful regarding my medical issues. I'd bring up concerns and they'd be dismissed, and I wasn't encouraged to bring up my concerns to the doctor at regular checkups. Now that I'm responsible for my own health, I'm determined to take care of things properly.
So, suddenly, I've decided to take action. In changing my lifestyle so abruptly, the healthy eating and exercising intensity caused a hypoglycemic crash, as my body couldn't adjust to the lack of sugar. All I could feel was frustration when I couldn't figure out why, but now that I've recovered and I think about it, it all makes sense. It wasn't that I was mentally incapable of writing, it was a physical issue, not something I could address through discipline and willpower alone.
I might not be able to fully control how and when my depression and anxiety manifests but there are things I can control, like my diet, exercise, and sugar intake. I used to not bother, but now I have the autonomy to make decisions about my life, and these are things that will be important to me. I now know to make these changes gradually and to be forgiving to myself when I'm not able to adjust instantaneously, but eventually I will be at a comfortable balance. Until then, I'll have to be careful and do what I need to to keep myself functioning. ◊
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