A Sad Update (Not Really)

So I haven't posted anything for a very long time, and there isn't a good reason for that except for the apathy. Even after "good" days, life still seems to be doing a downward spiral. For example, today was a "good" day, but throughout the day, I still found myself thinking, "I don't want to do this anymore. My life is falling apart, and I want to die." Like always, upon reexamination, I am forced to conclude that I do not want to die. I just don't want to have to deal with of the things around me anymore. Everything feels utterly pointless. I don't trust any of the people around me. Nothing makes sense.

But a few days ago, a thought occurred to me that it's ok if everything's not ok. As long as you don't break the law, you can move anywhere and start over again. What is success to me? It certainly isn't settling down in an average house, working a good-paying, comfortable, but average job, and dying an average death. Adventure awaits, and there is only one way to find it – by defying the expectations of society. A picture on one of my favorite Facebook sites (Humans of New York) shows this woman:

This is her caption: "I decided to leave my life eight months ago. Since then, I've been to Finland with a Latin American ballroom dancing team, toured Sweden with a Greek, met some Canadians in Amsterdam to watch the Olympics, and I'm about to head to Iraq to teach social media to soldiers in war zones."

So what if she doesn't make a six figure salary? She's probably done more for herself than any CEO in history. Given the choice of time or money, I can definitely say that I would pick time. In the end, in the last moments of your life, it doesn't matter to you what anyone else thinks. It matters what you thought of your life. Maybe it is satisfying to know that you've founded a business that has employed thousands of people. Or maybe you'd be happy knowing that you lived life with a sense of adventure. Either way, it's your life, and if humanity really will end someday, doing what makes you happy is the only thing that matters to your own self.

I know that might sound selfish, but the only person that truly cares for you is yourself. So do that. Do what makes you happy. If it means being individual and ignoring society so be it. Maybe this is true, or maybe its just teen-sy angst, but I'd rather be true to myself.

That was a really badly written post that turned out a lot longer than I expected it to.

Don't get me wrong, I'm still depressed, but that's ok because things will change.