Year in Review 2014

I started writing this intro a few nights ago as I was mourning the state of my college apps. Now that I'm basically done (just a few more edits to go and then a submission) I'm reading it again and it seems quite funny. Here it is:

"It's just past midnight as I'm writing this, and I'm honestly about to cry because salad is so delicious and I'm so emotionally overwhelmed. Ive submitted 5/7 schools on Common App, and I'm putting the finishing touches on the last two."

I can't believe it's the last day of the year already.

Ok, ok fine, I wrote this on January 1, 2015 and scheduled it to be published December 31, 2014, but it's the thought that counts. I've been busy with college apps. Give me a break.

It's been a rough year. Maybe that's putting it too lightly. It's been a year of misery, desperation, depression, and pain. But it's also been a year of self-awareness, hope, resilience, and friendship. I've survived, with the help of friends and mentors at school, and I could not be more thankful. It's all going to be downhill from here. Things are going to be different next year. I can feel it. 2014 is already starting to all feel like just a bad dream. But before we move on, let's take a look back at:

Ten Lessons I Learned / Things That Happened in 2014

»Finding a Hobby
I've said it before and I'll say it again: I'm so glad that I started blogging. It's a very effective form of cathartic relief. I've learned a lot this year in regards to how to blog and web design. I'm still working towards my ideal as a blogger, but it's interesting how this has turned out to be a very enjoyable thing in my life that I kept up.

»Take Care of Yourself
I've become much more aware of my mental health this year. I've let myself have time to recover, and I've tried to be kind to myself about certain shortcomings. I've also cut ties with people that I don't want to be heavily emotionally invested in, because that is not my nature. Unplugging allowed me to stay more connected with the people that mattered and minimize distractions, and though there are drawbacks, I feel that it has benefitted me in the long run.

»Understand Who You Are
This year, I fully embraced the fact that I am an introvert. I no longer try to keep up social pretenses and be who I am not, and I've never been happier. Whether it's introversion and extroversion, or sexual preference and gender identity, or anything else, stay true to yourself and don't try to be someone you're not, because it won't make you happy.

»Reach Out, People Care
Everyone's suffering in this world. Everyone needs a helping hand now and then. The meanest people could have the deepest sadness. Reach out to people, but also let others reach out to you. Your friends care for you as much as you care for your friends. It's ok to be vulnerable. If you don't feel comfortable talking about personal issues to people you see every day, talk to a counselor or teacher at school. They are there to help you, and they care about your wellbeing.

»There are People You Can't Help
Each person has a unique set of experiences that influence who they are. It is impossible for anyone to full understand someone else's perspective, because no two people have gone through the exact same thing. With that said, it is important to understand that some people just can't be changed, that they don't want help, that they don't believe they're doing something wrong. If you come across a person like that, just remember that you are not responsible for making them see the error of their ways. It's not your fault or lack of effort if they don't want to help themselves.

»Junior Prom
I'm not a huge fan of school activities or dances (Homecoming was horrible) but Junior Prom exceeded all expectations! I made a promise to myself before going in that I was going to enjoy myself and not let my happiness depend on anyone else, friend or foe. I ended up having a great time, one of the best nights of the year! What I learned from this is that it's good to get out of your comfort zone, but by all means, go ahead and mentally prepare yourself to handle the situation in a way that you are comfortable with.

»Got a Tablet!
Which allowed me to join journalism and finish my summer art! Art is a great means of cathartic relief, but paper and pencils or paint aren't always readily available. In that case, a tablet is a worthwhile investment.

»Got a Tumblr!
Which got boring pretty quickly, but for some reason I just keep going back. Sometimes you'll meet the most genuinely kind people, borderline saints, who are willing to hear you rant and give advice back. There are wonderful things on there, and as long as you keep yourself in check, Tumblr is a relatively harmless distraction.

»Two Hospitalizations
These weren't very fun. The most disappointing part was the reaction from the parentals. You'd think that if your child has gone to the hospital twice for depression and suicidal thoughts, you might be doing something wrong and it needs to change, but I guess my mental health isn't as important as your perverse need to be right.

»Friends
This year, I made new friends, reconnected with old ones, and solidified relationships with people who really care about me. In no particular order, thank you Diana, Wei-Wei, Karan, Sonia, Rachel, Rosa, Phoebe, Melia, and Kylie (and anyone else I may have forgotten to mention! You're no less special to me, but it's 2AM and I'm still brain-fried from doing college apps, so please forgive me. Leave a comment and I'll put you in) for being so supportive and kind to me through a difficult time, and I hope that one day I'll be able to pay back the favor if need be. You guys are the best thing that's happened to me all year, and I love you so much!

Here's to an excellent 2015!

In honor of maintaining my no-resolutions resolution, here are a few things I look forward to this year:
»Starting a Youtube channel (be on the lookout for that!)
»Gaining independence
»Going to college
»Spending more time with friends
»Eating well, exercising, sleeping more, and enjoying life in general
»Being/becoming the person I want to be

Heads up, I will also be changing my blog URL within the next month or so. The new URL will be claryjsimmons.blogspot.com (if nothing changes between now and then). I've always wanted an alter ego, and I also want more anonymity online, so I can start branching out and getting more involved with the blogging community. Also, names hold a lot of meaning and significance, so taking a new name is kind of like a fresh start. This will be a personal identity that is all mine, that I created, and that I have full control over what I want to do. I'm very excited about it. More information and the story behind it to come soon!

Thanks for reading, and I hope 2015 will be your best year yet! ◊