The End of a Semester

By the numbers:
I arrived 116 days ago;
I lived with 2 roommates;
I watched 4 seasons of Doctor Who;
I read 14 textbooks;
I wrote 7 essays;
I was sick for 4 weeks;
I saw 43 small dogs;
I went to 1 wonton party;
I observed 1 protest/rally;
I pulled 1 all nighter;
I took 1 final exam;
I went to 1 football game.

By the things I did:
I learned how to take public transport;
I became acquainted with an Italian activist abstract concept;
I hung out in my friends' rooms, just like I used to;
I had too many cups of coffee;
I mused about a blue-mohawked Alaskan GSI;
I ate too many Clif bars and drank too much juice;
I spent Thanksgiving with a group of strangers;
I lost my head over a boy who was allergic to cats;
I made so many smoothies;
I hiked up to the Big C;
I mentored the most wonderful small children.

By the feelings:
I felt unrestrained happiness;
I felt free;
I felt exhaustion;
I felt the cold, empty fog;
I felt in control;
I felt content;
I felt panic;
I felt everything;
I felt nothing.

By the things I didn't:
I didn't go to San Francisco;
I didn't run out of meal points;
I didn't attend a frat party;
I didn't recopy all my notes;
I didn't apply for scholarships or internships;
I didn't drink or do drugs or party too hard;
I didn't eat at Clark Kerr for Sunday brunch;
I didn't get straight A's;
I didn't visit the top of the Campanile;
I didn't fall in love.

By the ways I've changed:
I have a better fashion sense;
I can write a four page paper in two hours;
I know how to take care of myself better;
I let my social anxiety get worse;
I completely lost track of my eating habits;
I figured out why I have problems;
I deleted people I didn't really know off of Facebook;
I learned that it's ok to not let people know everything.

This is the last night I'll sleep in this bed this year. Lately, I haven't been able to fall asleep. I remember the first night, right after I moved in. I had never fallen asleep so quickly. It felt safe, a fresh start, a world of endless possibilities. I was scared, but I was excited and ready to take on all the things being thrown at me. And I did pretty well.

But now, as I anticipate heading back to suburbia, I am only scared. It's all going by way too fast, and I'm afraid that if I just blink a few more times, I'll look back and college is all gone, and I still won't have done so many of the things I wanted to do. They say to live life to the fullest, but there's only so much a human body can do in the time it's given to exist in this world. And I tried, I really did, but sometimes, some things just didn't work out. I can only wish for more, but despite that, I'm proud of what I have accomplished. Here's to even more next year. ◊