Food Friday #014 – Boudin

The best thing about having a friend who drives (thank you Diana) is being taken to food places as a conversation companion. For lunch this week, we went to Boudin, a bread company originating in San Francisco that makes various sourdough breads and sandwiches, among other things. It's a new restaurant in the Almaden Costco Plaza next to Blaze Pizza (which I visited but forgot to take pictures of) as the two of them are the new restaurants that replaced the Fresh Choice Buffet.

As you will see further below, I went for the half sandwich, half salad combo. The choice for sandwich was between Chicken Pesto and Turkey Avocado. Obviously, the Turkey Avocado is the safe choice, as there is absolutely nothing foreign in it, whereas the Chicken Pesto was a bit of a leap of faith with things like "arugula" and "balsamic vinegar" (don't worry, I know what those are, that was sarcasm for dramatic effect) but as one can't simply go out of one's way for a Turkey Avocado, I went for the Chicken Pesto. Unfortunately, below is the result:

I'm not even mad, but I was utterly confused as to how a restaurant could make a Chicken Pesto without any trace of chicken in it. I was already on the car by the time I opened up the sandwich, so all I could do was call them to ask if I could get a replacement sandwich. The call recipient was just as confused as I was, but immediately offered to prepare a new sandwich. I went in five minutes later, gave her the manager's name, and just like that, she handed me a bag with a new full size sandwich (even though I had only bought a half originally) and entire loaf of bread! On a side note, the salad was still absolutely scrumptious and so were the sandwiches, but I'm still utterly bamboozled about the initial sandwich situation. Nevertheless, it all worked out in the end, and the customer service at Boudin is incredible.

With the bread, I made a ham, salami, cheese, and lettuce sandwiches for lunch today, and it was probably the best lunch I've had at school this entire year. Unfortunately, I forgot to take pictures of that as well, and my family really likes sourdough so I have no more bread left over to make another.

»Service: 3.5/5 – A long line but it moved quickly. Service was swift and clearly communicated.

»Food Quality: 4/5 – A point off for the initial lack of chicken, and the bread was a bit tough to chew.

»Customer Service: 5/5 – Thoroughly impressed by how well they responded to the situation.

»Visit Again: 4.5/5 – I definitely need to try a few more of the items on the menu.

My Last Ever Speech & Debate Tournament – State

I honestly don't even know where to begin. State was a phenomenal experience that was definitely the highlight of my speech and debate career, or even the entirety of my high school years. I'm writing this on the bus right now (it has wifi and outlets, which is pretty cool). The bus ride here was nine hours, but this ride will be a bit shorter if we don't have too much LA traffic. The interpers are being raucous in the back of the bus, singing along to all their songs and occasionally yiping and yodeling; the originals and debaters are in the front, on their computers, watching tv, doing homework, and sleeping.

But last night, you could not have found a truer definition for "team." When AK won LD, and C and A won Parli, and M and N won Duo, and Leland won sweepstakes, the energy was euphoric. On the bus, everyone chanted the coaches' names, then the victors' names, and even the chaperone and bus driver's names, I was so proud to be part of a longstanding, honorable tradition with some of the most amazing people in the state. It was indescribable. Really, all I can say is "You had to be there."

It started early on Thursday morning, when we first embarked on the nine hour bus ride across 422.8 miles to Murrieta, near Temecula. Everyone was a bit sleepy but excited to go. We loaded up, and we were out, the interpers again being loud, the others trying to get some sleep, which wasn't possible with all of the singing in the back. Two rest stops and hours of sluggish traffic later, we were there.

The first round was on Friday, in the afternoon. Even though I had done well in a practice pod earlier that day, I was still terrified. I knew I should be confident, but somehow, with a combination of muscle fatigue from sitting in a bus for nine hours and nervousness, my knee just wouldn't stop twitching. It was also tremendously hot from the sun and the sheer number of spectators in the room. Some were even standing in the back because there simply weren't enough chairs. The second and third round were on Saturday. I thought I had done poorly my second round because the audience didn't really react to my speech, but that wasn't the actual case. Third round was also difficult, and one of my posters nearly fell off of the stand, but I made it through alright. I would redo it if I could, but suddenly I came to the realization that that was quite possibly my final speech of my entire speech and debate career.

On Sunday, we all went to the campus to support Alice in her semifinals round. It was a hard round, but I was surprised by some of the people who broke, some of which even our novices could probably beat in competition. It just goes to show how random success in speech and debate is. It could depend on anything, just the luck of the draw. Alice didn't break to finals, so I watched Aarthi's OI final round. I thought she was phenomenal and clearly deserved first place, but she ended up getting 6th, because everyone was a strong speaker, and it was up to judge preference. Awards was a whirlwind of cheers and sighs and hugs and cries; we all took pictures and then it was over, just like that.

Lastly was the dinner party at Mulligan Family Fun Center. The food wasn't that great, but we had free arcade games, go-karting, and laser tag (my team won). I also managed to figure out how to do well at the basketball coin drop game, so people kept giving me their extra tokens and I kept winning tickets. I didn't have a lot of time, but I managed to earn a good handful. The ticket counters were broken, so I handed them over to the counter person, who estimated about 500 points, so I got Steve the Squishy Spider (named after Captain America, who I mention in my speech, and the fact that he is a squishy spider stress ball). He'll be useful in college when I'm stressed a lot, and he's also a small souvenir of my time at State.

Food at the tournament was great. On the first night, we went to BJ's for the team dinner, where unlimited deep dish pizza, pasta, and salad were served. Chipotle and In-N-Out were abundant throughout the trip, though by the third day, I was really starting to crave some real, fresh food. Luckily, there was an Albertson's right across the street (I didn't eve know they still had those anymore) and I bought some salad, fruit, and juice for lunch. One of the funniest things that happened was that we were paying for our groceries when the cashier starting putting everything into a plastic bag. I started to say, "No bag," but couldn't even get the words out of my mouth because I was so shocked she didn't ask, "Would you like to pay 10¢ for a bag?" It didn't occur to me that eco-friendly regulations weren't in place everywhere, and that some places still had plastic bags just freely handed out. Anyhow, as much as I like Chipotle and In-N-Out, I think I've had enough of fast food to last me quite a while.

Even though I was a little disappointed that I didn't do better in competition, I still found out from prelim standings today that, according to the judges at this tournament, I am one of the top 24 exposers in the state, and I think that is phenomenal. However, it is also worth mentioning that expos was weird in the way they calculated prelim standings. A lot of deserving people didn't break, despite having better cumes than some that did. For example, a girl that went 1-3-7 broke, while a girl that went 1-4-4 didn't. I'm sure there's a method behind the madness, but I cannot work it out. I personally went 4-2-4, which I am proud of, because I had a pretty hard second round, where a lot of people didn't react to my speech, and I received a 1 from a judge in my first round as well, where my knee was twitching the whole time and the room was sweltering hot. This is where I've always dreamed of being, and though I had hoped to be one of the finalists, unfortunate circumstances during junior year and first semester senior year prevented me from doing expos and created a delay, so I'm glad I was able to get to where I am.

In the end, State was an incredible experience. I cannot thank Mrs. Brasher, my coaches, and my friends enough for mentoring me and being there every step of the way. Though it's likely the end of my formal speech career, the skills I've learned will be something I will cherish for the rest of my life, and I honestly don't know where I'd be today without the people I've met and the experiences I've had. There is not a single thing I regret, and that is saying a lot. I am so proud of my friends for their achievements here, and I can't wait to see how and where life will take us on the ride into the future. ◊

Food Friday #013 – Fresh Fusion KBBQ Tacos

Growing up in a household that always almost exclusively ate Asian food, I love tasting other types of food – American, Italian, Mexican – as long as it isn't spicy, it's all good. I had a go at fusion cuisine last week when I tried out tacos using leftover Korean BBQ. I was at coaching for speech and debate, so I wasn't home in time for the actual Korean BBQ, but with lettuce (fresh from the backyard garden), tomatoes, sour cream, cheese, and tortilla, I threw together a terrific taco. It was SO good. The sweet KBBQ meat was a contrast to the usual spicy beef blend, and it's a worthy alternative to overpriced Chipotle. ◊

My Day In Pictures – Berkeley

Yesterday I went on an official tour of Berkeley. It's pretty much all but in writing that I will be going there for college. I admit, I'm still a bit intimidated by the place – all the students look lean, hungry, tough – but I don't think I can't survive there. The problem before was that I get myself very worked up over things that will probably never happen. I idealize things and places, and conversely, I like to think that I am someone who I am not. In the end, I am still just a timid, confused girl who's trying to figure out what the heck she wants to do. I am more cerebral than social, rebellious than conforming, and I'm trying to become more okay with that, and I do feel that Berkeley is a place where I can develop in that direction.

1) Cal Student Store – Everyone in the family bought a piece of merch. I got a lovely hoodie that makes me look like a proper almost-adult rather than a hopelessly clueless child.

2) The Campanile (Camp-an-eel-ee) – the third tallest tower in the Western Hemisphere?

3) They have parking reserved especially for Nobel Laureates, which is pretty cool.

4) The view from the top of the hill at the base of the Campanile; you can see the Golden Gate!

5) South Hall – the oldest building on campus, which naturally holds the newest program, with the tiniest bear statue on it (visible from the picture). Can you spot it? It's in the third circle from the left.

6) We had the fortune of witnessing a small protest at Sather Gate (actually it was rather inconvenient because they were blocking the gate). The activist spirit of Berkeley in action.

7) Going through the Bay Bridge tunnel. Metaphorically and literally the light at the end of the tunnel.

8) A glimpse of SF, the urban counterpart of Berkeley. Not a huge fan, but better than nothing.

9) Honestly, the biggest motivation for staying West Coast. I am always craving In-N-Out, especially the Animal Fries. Sadly, there is no location within walking distance of Berkeley, but at least it's not a plane ride away. Freshman 15? More like Freshman 50. I'm more than ready. ◊

It Was Only Just A Dream

Yesterday I was invited to the Miss CEO reunion at Stanford to meet up with some of the girls I had attended a summer program with two years ago. I was a little hesitant because I didn't want to torture myself with that rejection any more than I already had, but the weather was beautiful and the school is still gorgeous regardless. At the very least, it was a photo-op so there was no real downside.

I had a wonderful time catching up with everyone and  how they were now. We sat and talked for an hour and walked all over campus, but somehow, those sandstone walls had lost their magic. Even the fountains had lost their sparkle (but that's probably because they were trying to conserve water in the drought).

I can't deny that Stanford was (and still is to some extent) my dream school. But for undergrad, it was just that – a dream. Of course I still have a chance if I apply for grad school or beyond, but that's years away. I'm reminded of the Langston Hughes poem "A Dream Deferred."

What happens to a dream deferred?
Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore –
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over –
like a syrupy sweet?
Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.
Or does it explode?

In retrospect, it felt like closure, or forgiveness even. It was Stanford saying to me, "I'll always be here, if you still want to come," but it was also me saying to Stanford, "You were a wonderful dream, but I'm waking up now and walking away." There's a time for dreaming and a time for doing, and I'm done with dreaming. Tomorrow I'll be visiting Berkeley, and hopefully I'll fall in love with it. It's where I'll be spending the next four years of my life, eating, sleeping, learning, making memories, and dreaming up new dreams. And hopefully some of them will come true. ◊

CVS is Way Overpriced

A few days ago, I stumbled into a disgusting little corner of the internet: the Tumblr #shoplifting tag. It was filled with pictures of the hundreds and thousands of dollars of things people stole from stores and were bragging about. I know people excuse shoplifting by saying the people who do it really need those items to live, but seriously? Luxury underwear and makeup is not a life necessity! And for the most part, it wasn't even poor kids who were stealing it to resell for money, it was rich (white) kids who probably have no basic understanding of how the world works and tried to justify it by saying that they were "fighting capitalism." It hurts the employees more than the rich corporates they think they're hurting, and it's honestly repulsive how they're so greedy and self-centered.

That said, I can't say I wasn't tempted when I went to CVS today. I rarely go shopping for myself at all, because my mom prefers to buy everything in bulk, but today I needed to buy some things before traveling for the Speech and Debate State Tournament in Temecula. It's the district spring break right now, but I will be busy with preparing for State and traveling for college visits, plus I was at Leland for coaching anyway so I thought I might as well pick up some things on the only day I had time. I had a list of what I needed and was only going to buy those things, but I still ended up having to return a whole bunch of items to be able to afford my purchase; the total was still almost $50! I didn't have any other choice because I needed this stuff before the tournament, so I went with it, but I'm still annoyed at how expensive it was.

Once I got home, I decided to compare CVS prices to online retail prices to see how much I was really overspending. For quality, I tested them out too, so this is like a joint rant and review. Ratings based on a five-point scale, 5 being maximum quality/would buy again, 1 being minimum/would never buy again.

»Scandal Eyes Micro Eye Liner by Rimmel

CVS Retail price: $6.79 // Online Retail Price: $4.79 // Quality: 3/5 // Buy again: 2/5

I'm not running out in the eyeliner department, but my e.l.f. liquid liner never stuck onto my lids very well anyway, even with primer, I can never get a dark line with pencil, and gel is a bit inconvenient to use, so I thought I'd pick up a pen liner. I looked online, and it said that NYX, Jordana, and Maybelline were the best brands, but NYX and Jordana aren't available at CVS and the Maybelline one was way overpriced. I can say that I was pleasantly surprised with this one. It's not as opaque as I had hoped, but it easily made a clean, visible line. The pen tip is not sharp and hard like some other pen liners I tried out, but it wasn't flimsy either. I'm pretty happy with it, but I wish I had bought it elsewhere.

»Essie Ballet Slippers Sheer Finish Nail Color

CVS Retail price: $8.50 // Online Retail Price: $8.50 // Quality: 4.5/5 // Buy again: 4/5

I've been looking for a light pink/neutral nail polish for a while now, so I decided it was finally time to get one for the tournament. Ballet Slippers is an award winning shade and countless websites rave about it, so I thought it was a safe, solid choice, and indeed, it is. One coat is sheer, but three layers creates a more opaque light pink. Essie quality is always dependable, and I am happy with this versatile, classic shade.

»OGX Moroccan Sea Salt Spray

CVS Retail price: $9.49 // Online Retail Price: $5.79 // Quality: 3.5/5 // Buy again: 3/5

I've heard lots of good things about Sea Salt Spray. It gives hair volume and a "fresh from the beach" look, almost like a lightweight hairspray, so I randomly decided to pick some up. This one smells incredible and absolutely works, but at the CVS price, is absolutely not worth it. Buy it elsewhere. Your wallet will thank you. It's not too hard to use, but I'll do a post later with a demo to show how hair looks with it in.

»Simple Kind To Skin Exfoliating Facial Wipes

CVS Retail price: $7.49 // Online Retail Price: $4.39 // Quality: 3/5 // Buy again: 2/5

My biggest struggle after tournaments is washing my face and removing my makeup. I literally take hours to get that done, despite it being absolutely necessary. I picked up a packet of these two-in-one wipes to get the job done faster at the tournament and they are decent. They feel dry to the touch, but they are damp on the face. The roughness of the exfoliating is like sandpaper, but it isn't painful. I'm not a huge fan of the smell, but it's not too noticeable. The wipe itself leaves little shreds of material on my face, but it doesn't leave chemical residue, so my face actually does feel clean and fresh after using them.

I also bought a travel-sized anti-perspirant deodorant and waxing strips, but those aren't really worth talking about much. I normally don't sweat much, but Temecula is pretty much in the desert, and I'll be wearing a suit the whole time. I'd also think its better not to have to shave every day, especially if I might be foregoing panty hose because of the temperature, and because three people will be sharing a hotel room. I also meant to buy eyedrops, because I will be wearing contacts, and the desert air will be dry, but I didn't bring enough money with me (so sad) and it was the most expensive item.

On a side note, once I go to college and get a .edu email account, I can sign up for Amazon Student Prime, which has a six month trial, and has free two-day shipping and some discounts. Then, I will buy a ton of personal supplies to hoard for the next four years in college, so I won't have to spend a fortune whenever I need something. I'm still new to the whole money management thing, but I feel like I'll be learning fast. The bottom line is, CVS is pretty overpriced, and I will be shopping elsewhere as much as possible. ◊

Crunch Time

There it is again, that mental block. Everything is happening quickly again – college, speech, school, friends – and I'm getting left behind. Stuck in a ditch. Wanting, needing to do everything, but unable to do a single thing because the very things that I need to do are holding me back. I am a person who gets overwhelmed easily, that I can't deny, but how did I ever become a person who is paralyzed by the anxiety of my own fault?

No one ever said this would be easy. I am about to make the biggest decision of my life so far, something that directly affects not only my next four years, but so many things that are to come. There are so many factors to consider, and it's going to take time I don't have. I still have to keep up with bio for the AP test coming soon, and stats for the finals after break, and speech for the tournament during break, but all I want to do is cry because I think I should be strong enough to handle it all, but I'm not handling it, and the suffocating pressure of perfectionism would rather force me to not do anything at all than to do it imperfectly.

This is all I'm capable of writing for now. I can barely even begin to sort through my thoughts. More to follow soon in another post.

Whoomp, There It Is

Tuesday, March 31, was "Ivy Day." To be honest, it sounds like some kind of plague memorial day, and in some ways, it is – the death of thousands of high school dreams, years and years of striving for perfection, all for naught. I started off my college admissions strong, with all admissions. Then came the waitlists. And finally, the rejections: Stanford, Swarthmore, Duke, and Brown.

I could have been good enough to get in; I could have done more. The fact of the matter is, there just isn't any way to know if I was or I was not. I could have done everything right – perfect test scores, more AP classes, extra extracurriculars – and they still could have found me terribly boring. There isn't any guarantee whatsoever. Here is a screenshot of a post I saw on Tumblr, credit to the original owner, though I don't recall who that was, but it just goes to show that even the strongest of candidates, people many times better than I on paper, can still rejected (you really have to wonder what kinds of people do get in, it'll still be as much of a mystery as ever).

Sometimes, it may seem that the last eighteen years of my life may have led up to this moment, and it's ended in disappointment, but is that really a bad thing? I can still work hard at wherever I choose to be, apply to grad school in a few years, and still achieve my dream of going to my dream school, just under different circumstances. And who knows, maybe I'll be an entirely different person then and wonder why the hell I ever thought Stanford was the place for me, regardless of what a pretty campus it is. There are so many what-if's that I can't even begin to answer, so I'm taking what I have in front of me, and working with it. I saw this wonderful post on Humans of New York that talks about mountain climbing, but it is the perfect metaphor for college applications. It says:

“I’ve become much less goal oriented as I’ve grown older. I spent twelve years dreaming about climbing Mt. Everest. It was all I thought about. During my years of training, I focused all my thoughts on getting to the summit. My self worth, and the meaning of those years, all depended on that one moment of getting to the top. It’s not healthy to be that goal oriented. And Everest is a perfect example why. The weather can change at any moment, and even though you did everything right, and trained the correct amount, you can still fall short. And if you’re thinking of nothing but the final goal—all those years, all that effort, and all the personal growth that you achieved, becomes worthless if you don’t reach the top.”

Substitute "climbing Mt. Everest" with "getting into my top choice college" and you get the meaning. I did everything I could to prepare, and when I fell short, I was miserable and unforgiving towards myself. My "weather change" was the problems in junior year, but they didn't just come up in junior year. They've been there my entire life, just covered up and contained better, but the balloon was always bound to burst. And when it did, there was nothing I could do but to weather it out.

But I survived. I'm a different person now, with more compassion and empathy for the problems of others, though I still have a long way to go in becoming a good person and purifying myself of the toxic ways I was raised. It'll take time, and luckily, it's time that I have. I was talking about the counselor about how frustrated I was that the whole situation had happened to me in high school, but she countered with the fact that if it wasn't high school, maybe it could have been college. And if it wasn't in college, it could have been halfway though my career. Or if not in my career, then maybe in my retirement, I would have been a depressed old lady. And the more I thought about it, the more I realized, it's what had to happened, and I'm glad it happened now, because I can learn from that experience and figure out what I want for the rest of my life.

Now comes the beginning of the rest of my life. Am I excited? Absolutely. Am I terrified? Beyond a doubt. But will I make it though alive, even if it is by sheer spite? I don't see why not. Life is full of surprises, and for better or for worse, I'm going in headfirst. ◊